Ubelicious | Where purple is beauty.

Farewell.

2010-03-04T11:15:00.000+08:00

The sounds of typing keyboards filling the night at 2 A.M. The aroma of coffees misting in the air. The forming eyebags under our sleepless eyes. These were the common scenarios found inside my home during our endless overnights for the past few weeks. We've been dying to work our butts off just to pass the requirements and now, what can I say? It's finally over, and we're moving forward to whatever is ahead of us.

What I loved about most about the experience was not just the way we sharpened our skills at a certain subject, but the relationships I have formed with my friends/classmates. The heck we care whether our game went well or not. As long as we had each other, it's okay. Even if we're not in a team literally, we still had the strength to help each other out, regardless of how difficult it may be. All of us have exerted much effort to do what we can, and for me, that's the most amazing experience we all have shared.

Our games may not be first class, but heck, I'm hella proud of it. Even just making a certain game character move makes me jump crazily. Because we made it do that. And that's something for a beginner game developer such as me and my other classmates. It's funny how I used to laugh about how horrible some games are at times, but here I am, who have experienced how difficult it is to make one. So to all the game developers out there, I salute you with all my heart.

The experience was an unforgettable experience. The laughters, the sadness, the I'm-gonna-burst-any-minute-now moments. All of them contributed to my experience. Like I always say, you'll never know how amazing anything can turn out not until you've experienced the fire.

So, to my fellow Software Engineering classmates/batchmates, here we are. Finally done. Say hello to our pillows. And goodbye to fatigue.

Videoke Trips

2010-02-22T20:26:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how a videoke cubicle can magically make everyone in it closer. It's not because the space is physically limited, but because it creates moments that could change perspectives forever. I, for one, never liked the idea of being inside a room where I am forced to sing. But it's only now that my view changed, for I've come to realize that it's not the singing part everybody is excited for, but for how everyone just enjoys the moment of singing with you. Nobody gives a damn on how your voice croaks or how you sing out of tune. After all, we're not expected to be singing divas, anyway. What gives the moment much fun is how everybody would just laugh and sing, regardless of whatever the outcome of the score is. Whether it's a 60, we laugh. Whether it's a 100, everybody laughs because it looked impossible. See, nobody really cares. As long as everybody had a blast, that's all that matters.

So, to my videoke buddies, sa uulitin.

Cup Of Cappuccino

2010-01-09T00:55:00.001+08:00

Perfect was a close word to define him. Though, he was someone who is not even close to being what I am, he eventually caught my eye. But what made define him as special was the way he spent alone, friendly times with me. No jokes, no taunting, no romantic gestures, no hints of crushing or whatsoever. A friendly conversation was all we needed to be at ease. It may be awkward, but I guess it's the only opportunity I had to actually get to know him. Those were only the good times I'm ever going to remember him for, but other than that, there's nothing left.

Idiot was an adjective to describe him at certain settings. He was totally a different being once surrounded by his own group of homo sapiens. Cold and insensitive was then a term to describe him during those times. Funny, 'cause I even get affected by this type of attitude. But what made it worse was that, he didn't only to do it to me, but to almost everybody he knows. Everybody else whom he could hover upon was someone who he can control, which brings me to repel against him

It's then when I wonder why people need to have two different personalities to live. I'm guessing that it's maybe ibecause he was born that way that it's not meant to be changed at all. But sometimes, I'm the one regretting for him. I mean, I see far more greater things in him, which can sadly be ignored just because of his own wrongdoings.

I heave a great sigh.. you're a great guy, or I thought you were. And what's worse was that I actually thought I liked you. But I guess I don't. Sorry for letting me like you. It's just because I thought I saw something in you that was actually good. But sometimes, I have to accept the fact that I am plainly wrong...

And with that, I conclude.. I think that you're not my cup of cappuccino.

The Tune Of My Piano

2009-11-29T20:23:00.001+08:00

It's a rare opportunity for another homo sapien to hear me play my piano. It's not that I hate playing the instrument, but rather it doesn't help my nervousness when I know someone is listening to it. See, I'm not that confident when playing it. I'm not even good. What I believe I can do is just that I can play the piano. I don't believe that I am a good player. 'Cause I'm not, especially if you put me beside those other dozen pianists out there who can strike a note a lot faster than I can.

But what I can't tolerate is the times when I play for someone who shows no signs of appreciation while others can. My dad would sleep when I'd play, and that's appreciation for me. My mom would give me a standing ovation, even if I played the sickest version of the Canon in D. My sisters would cheer me on even if I skipped on notes that made a song horrible. See, they've appreciated it, but playing in front of them was not even voluntary.

And now, I volunteered. I picked out a piece, which I awfully worked hard upon for a certain person, because it was for specially for him. You can just imagine how much playbacks I did just to make it try to sound perfect just for him. And now the time has come that I could finally play it for him, and yes, he did listen. He knew it was for him, but all he did was listen and look at the TV. He smiled, yeah, but that was it. And it wasn't even a smile for appreciation.

My point is that when someone else is trying to exert some effort for you, a little gratitude wouldn't hurt. You see, I never played for anyone. This is actually the first time I played for someone, and you did not even appreciate it...

I'm Happy.

2009-11-07T07:02:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've just realized how much people think that I am unhappy with what I have right now. Well, if that's what they think, then it's wrong. Horribly wrong. Let's just say I'm a woman who doesn't declare much of what's going inside her mind, but that doesn't give anyone a reason to think I am sulking or depressing. A lot of people are giving me advices to see the brighter side of life, when in fact, I do the exact same thing. I'm not a pessimist, nor am I someone who never appreciates anything good that comes into her life.

I'm happy. I really am. I've got a great family, a couple of good friends, an other half whom I appreciate now.. And I guess that's enough proof that I am happy. And yes, I am grateful to everyone who has tried to pull me up in times of danger and distress. It just doesn't show, but I do. There are always words left unsaid, and that includes my appreciation. But in my heart, I'll always be appreciative of that. I'm just sorry if it doesn't reach your ears.

But you don't know what's going inside my mind, and I think it's just wrong for you to judge me that I am not happy. I love smiling. I love the bright sunny days. I am comfortable where I am right now. These things are things which cannot be seen by the naked eye, but still, it's the truth.

Please stop assuming I am unhappy. 'Cause really, you have no idea on how jovial I am with my life. I love my life and I love being happy.

P.S. No wonder everybody's been acting so oddly nice these days. Maybe that's the reason.

Tug-Of-War

2009-11-06T16:11:00.000+08:00

Ever felt like being the rope in the game Tug-Of-War? I know how it feels, being pulled on different directions. In fact, I don't really know where I am standing right now, considering the different occurences viewed by my own eyes from the past days. It has just been the third day of school, yet everything happened at once in a blur.

Really, it's not a hobby of mine to carefully examine a classmate's inner structure. It's not even interesting, believe me. But it's just rare when almost everyone is all doing it at the same time. As if everything had snapped into a different picture. If it was once colored in black and white, now it all seemed colorful. Which gives me a reason to be quite curious and dangerously careful at what all this meant. Am I the only one bothering to notice this?

There was an instance when I'd think that everyone has been mechanically driven to be ultimately nice to me these days. Really, I don't need that. I can distinguish real kindness from forced ones. And I am quite grateful to the ones who make me laugh without even trying to. One minute, the other one is as mean as a devil. Then another minute, he/she is actually become quite angelic. Angelic to the sense that it is still hard to believe that they had red thorns glowing on their heads. It's driving me nuts.

But I don't have the courage to ask, really. And maybe I am exaggerating. But no.. if I was, then I wouldn't be giving this ugly thought a chance to creep on me. And it's creeping on me!

And I hate the creeps, really! It's not right. This isn't the normal situation. I hate having people come up to me as if I am a V.I.P. I know how it feels like to be just alone in a corner with no one surrounding you. And I like it better that way. I'm not used to the attention and I don't want it, really.

Strangers On Board

2009-11-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

Along my journey back to my homeland, I've met strangers. Strangers who became my friends. All of them had a different story to tell, a different experience to share and a different perspective to depict. Much more older than I am, they are one of the most inspiring people I've met across the miles.

The Man Who Worked Hard
A father of four children. Eldest child was a girl who had a tender age of 16. Tried to work in Qatar alongside his wife, yet his perseverance to find work never pulled through due to his old age. "Hirap ng buhay," he told me. "Buti nga at si Misis may magandang trabaho. Pero gusto ko rin sana siyang tulungan maghanap buhay. Kaso, walang magbabantay ng mga anak namin at masyado na rin akong matanda." His eyes were filled with disappointment as he told me this, as if there was no hope left. Weakly, I just smiled. Because I don't know what to tell him.

The Funny Steward Guy
I'm not friendly to most Arabs. Actually, I'm never friendly to them. Sometimes, their stare gaze at you as if you're the last female on earth. But respecting their culture, I understand that. Until I met the funny steward who led me to my seat, which by the way, was located on the farthest end. "You have a very lucky seat, Miss Belardo," he said with a smile. I just looked at him and said, "Why?" He smiled warmly and said, "Because it's sitting just in front of mine." Then I'd see him joking around with me & other co-Filipinos, whom he shared with love and warmth. He even dragged Mang Tony around just for fun, as if enjoying his moment with his people. I found him ultra-charming, even for an Arab guy.

The Inspired Sea Traveler
A seaman. He went to various places because that was his job. Cruising around the whole wide world, going through typhoons and managing the cruise. He looked liked he had no other choice than to get it. But I could tell that his eyes were pleading to go home and just be with his family. "Walang choice eh," he would tell me and smile weakly. Then he'd tell me a lot of the other places he went to.

The Girl Who Sat Next To Me
Ah, there was an empty seat beside me. And a woman sat on it on the middle of the journey. She said that an Arab was drunk beside her and couldn't shut his mouth. Worse, she assumed that the Arab guy would guy do "something" to her. I just smiled at her and suggested that if she felt safe beside me (cause I'm a girl), then it's fine. Then we chattered the haunting nightmare away.

They may be strangers. But to me, they were my friends. I'd probably never see them ever again. Friends who never told me who they are, what they are or what their lives were like. They're my friends because they gave me all trust, which is something so precious and difficult to give. I sometimes wonder why I get that from people who shouldn't have given me that. But they did.

I'm hoping that I'd run to them in my next flights back to Saudi.

What's confusing of this was that why had they given their trust to me. Barely a day with them, I got more than what my other friends here ever gave me. Trust. And most powerful of all, true friendship.

P.S. I got a quote from a guy behind me as I was waiting in my line for the immigration. "You may own the car, but you never own the road." Might just want to share it. :)

Shots

2009-10-21T12:43:00.000+08:00

Yesterday afternoon, I had two little tiny vaccines shots on each side of my arms. I blame those objects for causing my colds right now. And now, I can't even breath normally. Geez.

The first one is a flu shot. The nurse was even happy to declare that it had similar symptoms such as the AH1N1 virus. Freaky. The second one was a tetanus shot. I'm not sure how this vaccine can medically help me, but my mom said its miracle effect can last for ten years. That was the painful shot, by the way. "It's better to hurt for a week, because this vaccine can last up to ten years," the nurse exclaimed.

Now, I'm stuck here in the house with both my arms feeling uncontrollably numb. It's like my nerves are dead or something. But even though it is quite painful, the pain was bearable. Which makes me think, why am I even complaining?

It makes me think of the other kids out there who never had immunization previleges like me. They're more prone to sicknesses and diseases, which I know am safe of (well, kinda). I feel bad, because I complained a lot about needles shot inside me when there is in fact other millions out there who would kill just to get a hold of these shots. And that there are millions of kids out there needing those vaccine shots more than I do.

It's sad, really. If I could just take the vaccine off me and donate it, I really would.

One Hell of a Sem

2009-10-11T19:43:00.000+08:00

So. Another semester is finally ending. Funny how time flies, don't you think? One day, your busy lining up for enrolment and then on the other day, all you see are your professors bidding their goodbyes to you. But despite the rush of time, what matters most is the content that is found between those events: the realizations.

This semester may be quite hellish to me, due to endless projects, sleepless nights and heavy stress. But despite of these unwanted events, I realized how much it all meant to me. Everything might sound so bizarre and hard to reach, but here I am, alongside my classmates, who have just accomplished a series of hellish works. It's so sweet to realize how these hellish works gave impacts on me, too. The ones whom I never thought would be close to me are now quite close to my heart. And what was once written on my head about them has totally changed, too.

So, yeah. That was the highlight of this semester. Hope that for the succeeding semesters, it'll be as much as beautiful as this one.

P.S. I just want to extend my gratitude to my classmates who have worked their asses off for the Web Development project. You're one heck of a group and I love you. Y'all know who you are.

New Hope

2009-10-01T16:08:00.000+08:00

For all the victims of Typhoon Ondoy, my sincerest prayers are all with you.

It may seem like the end of the world, but always remember that the present days are given to you to live a more beautiful life. Your countrymen are there to help you, so don't lose hope. God has his own reasons on why such events happen, but please do not blame him for what has happened. We can never know what lies behind His reasons, but I'm sure it wasn't for the worst.

As for the upcoming typhoon, we must all be ready for whatever that can happen, because we don't know what is to come. Being ready is way better than being not.

Bangon, Pilipinas.
Kaya natin ito.

*Photo taken from: http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/images/news/photos/2009/09/28/philippines-flood-cp-w73953.jpg

Definition of Beauty.

2009-09-26T18:17:00.001+08:00

Funny how some people play a role of an extreme stranger once a new aura has applied to them. Sudden bursts of change come through, and its outcome is not always pleasant. Why change, I ask. It's not like you've become a superstar or someone whom everyone will be magnetized to. Your physical outlook may have changed, but that will never change who you are. You're still the same being I know, and as for everyone who knows you, you'll still be the same person they have known. What's worse is that sometimes, when other people's body outlook change too, you're eyes get filled with envy and hatred, which I cannot fully understand.

You really don't have to be someone you're not. You are wayyy prettier that way.

Now, tell me. At this moment, what's up with you?

Tell Me Something That Ain't Real.

2009-09-17T00:08:00.001+08:00

Sparks don't always come our way. It rarely comes until you actually try to make one. Some may seem like it would light up a fire but eventually don't. While some just starts to create a chaotic fire even if they actually never have exerted any effort. Just like in friendship. Not everyone you meet will like you for what you are composed of, but there will be some who will just suddenly lit up the fire without you knowing. What's ironic is that sometimes, there are people who would shove their way in just to create the spark. Just because you have something they don't have. It's sad, really. I'm actually hoping to find someone who would just dance his/her way into my life without actually trying. You know, those types who would scream in front of me without actually caring. Because they're like that. And they are real in that way.

Sometimes, people tend to wear masks that would tell us that they are that. When in fact, they're not. Which by the way, creates a huge way of domino effect because the people they are influencing are wearing masks themselves to actually prove to the others that they're great, smart, loving and etc.

Which brings me to one question, why can't people just be real?

Six Heads Better Than One.

2009-08-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

Collaboration is not in my vocabulary. In fact, being with a group of people is a weakness. I'd rather spend time alone with myself or witha few others than spend it with a crowd, anyway. It's not that I am emo or anti-social, but I don't like being in swarm of identical creatures.

But tonight was different.

Say that six is a crowd, but neverthless they are the group who proved to me that it wasn't so bad working synergistically. No group has ever changed my perspective when it came to working as one. But today, my perspective changed. Though not completely, but my view became more acceptable when it came to group projects.

Ahh, why can't all the groups be just like this?

For the love of animals, please.

2009-08-15T10:28:00.000+08:00

Guess what? A senior female cat here at our house just got a cesarian from a local veterinarian here at our place. Talk about how special these common cats here at home. Yep, they're lucky indeed. And I love my family for accepting them wholeheartedly even if it meant spending a couple of bucks just to save their lives. It's sweet, really.

After all, I believe that good things happen to those who sacrifice most of their lives for the other. Cats may be in another life form, but nevertheless, they still consist of life. They are defined as life, as we are. So, I don't think there's any reason why we should let dogs, cats or other animals suffer. They deserve food, a shelter and love. Just like us.

That's why I'm disappointed why the Philippines doesn't have a freakin' republic act for animals. That blonde girl from Legally blonde should be present here. I'd be overwhelmed to see other people getting arrested for hurting innocent animals.

Sloth Kills.

2009-08-08T10:45:00.001+08:00

It is strange how people are present when they are in need yet are absent when you need them. A view that matches with those kinds of scenarios are pleading eyes, ear-wide smiles and plastics cries of please's. But once you ask for help, all you see is a back that is turned unto you or ears that never heard anything. Strange, but it does happen.

Which all comes to one realization: Never help those ones who are in need if they're not willing to give back the help that you need.

It's really odd, but I've been meeting so many people who possessed these qualities. Am I a friend with benefits? No, I don't think so. I help because it's what my heart wants me to do. But if one betrays my initiative to help and abuses it, I think it's time to stop helping. Stupidity is what knocks my conscience whenever that happens, and it's quite awkward. Also almost downright tiring. You do all the work, yet people around you tend to expect you to carry them.

What's wrong with them, I ask. It's not about competition, I guess. It's about surviving. Especially in the field of academics, every single student wants to pass. In order to do that, they do everything in their power in order to achieve that certain goal. Even if it means to pass on the burden to another who is certainly going to get the job done.

That's what I hate about group works, actually. Arasahan, in Filipino. No one will work and there will be always that someone who would work just for the sake of passing. And everyone else around that somebody will just sit back and relax.

Downright annoying, really. But I don't mind. It'll reflect on them one day. Either in their future work field or somewhere during the lifetime of their education. And that will certainly cause me to laugh and feel good about the hardships I made.

You'll Never Know Until It's Gone

2009-08-05T00:35:00.000+08:00

The death of the beloved late president Corazon Aquino gave me this thought: "It is only through loss when people would recognize your significant standing in their lives." How ironic, I say to myself. What the use of recognizing someone if he or she is gone? What's the use of letting go of lovely and parting words to someone who is not physically present anymore? What's the use of saying the things that we really wanted to say to the person? Doesn't it ring a bell? Or are we just plainly ignorant of the significance of the people around us?

Which got me thinking a lil' bit deeper. What if I become lost? What if I suddenly become invisible to the physical world? Would people find me? I doubt it, but it may be possible. Heck, I could only count the number of people who would try to rip their heads off to find me by the count of my fingers. Excluding the people represented by my fingers, I doubt that anyone would ever come and bid goodbye to me. I'm not saying I'm socially deprived nor am I not loved by a number of people, but it's just ironic how people take for granted one's existence in this world. They'll never recognize what you did unless you go or cry or run away.

What's worse is that the blame for themselves will always come last. In this part you will hear the famous lines such as, "Why was I able to tell him or her I loved her?" or "I should have told him or her the things I wanted for him or her to know." In Filipino, "Nasa huli ang pagsisisi."

My point is that if your loved ones are still there, grab the opportunity to be with them. Hug them, kiss them, or tell them how much you love them. We're too blinded by our ignorance that we forget to do these little things which were offered by opportunity. We just never grabbed them. Instead, we make them slip away from our grasp.

I'll try not to make them slip away. What about you?

P.S. My sincere prayers goes out to you, President Cory. :)

Word fights.

2009-07-18T13:39:00.000+08:00

If there's anything I'm bad at, it would be verbal fights. I can never win in any type of verbal fights, may it be serious or annoying. Sarcasm is a trait I wish I had, but nevertheless I'm fine without it. It's just that during this stage of my life, I find myself locked up in words which I can never bounce back to the other. What can I do? That's a question I've been asking myself recently. Losing is something I am used to, but I know I can never lose forever. I'd have to pick up my own sword and fight or else die trying. Death isn't an option I would want to choose in a battlefield, would it?

To wrap this whole story up, I suck at verbal fights. :)

Rain, go away.

2009-05-07T18:15:00.000+08:00

It's been years since I've loathed the rain. I hated its sound, how its droplets fall unto the ground, or how it it even looks like once it starts. Well, today is one of those days that it splattered against the grounds of the Earth. Well, I can't do anything about it. It's not like I can control nature and tell the sun to shine on everyday. I hate the rain. I don't know why; but I just hate it. Maybe it's because of its contribution to awful memories, such as me being soaked in water for its occurrence or its presence during romantic strolls, which by the way, turned into nasty, unhappy endings.

Oh, rain. Go away and come another day.

It's not that I want to play, but I'd rather look up the sky with the cloud shimmering above me. It's a much more pleasant scene to look at, rather than seeing dark, nimbus clouds haunting the whole ground. For me, the sun will always symbolize happiness and peace. And the rain will always symbolize pain and sorrow.

So, go away rain. You're a curse to me.

Blue Days.

2009-05-01T12:17:00.000+08:00

Much thanks to the forefounders of Labor Day, school is cancelled. Thank God, I don't even have to force my neurons to catch up with any lesson today. Though thinking about a kazillion of things as a substitute for its function, I don't think having a day off will give its rest.

Adding to the events happening today, the annual Agua de Mayo is probably hindered by the low pressure hovering above our peninsula. Not only that, after months of waiting patiently for its doors to open, SM Naga is now officially open! Talking about thousands of people coming to see its sight, I don't think it's appropriate to join in the stampede.

Another month of the year has collapsed, yet it felt like every scene I've seen played on replay for the past few months. Though the addition of precious events shifted situations into different directions, it never really changed anything. I still find myself locked up in the same cycle of life, without bothering to change its flow for a change. The fear of having it toppled over was a reason why I sacrifice no effort to create a change. Considering the mistakes I've done in the past, I'd rather be stable.

Who knows what the month of May may bring. It can bring a drastic change to my life, but it also can give me a serious disaster. What's destined for me this month is something I can never be in control of. So, I'd better grab a cup of coffee, sit down or something...

Point & Click

2009-04-21T12:55:00.000+08:00

Click. Point. Click.

My brain cells are slowly deteriorating. I can’t seem to find the object I’m supposed to find in order to get a major objective done. And I’m under time pressure. I’m clicking on every single object I see in the game, yet none of them seems to work.

I’m dead.

Argh. These games make me feel like I’m the dumbest person living in planet Earth today. Really. I mean, it was designed to be relatively easy, yet I can’t get through it. Perhaps it’s its logic that makes it ultra-confusing, or maybe it was because of my carelessness to click on the right object. Maybe I should try again…

By the way, these games are commonly known as the “Point-And-Click” games. The idea is self-explanatory, and you often encounter these. It’s quite different from DoTA or Flyff, because in these games, you have no one to interact with. All you need is your mouse and your brain. It’s almost a requirement for your brain to be a genius in these, ’cause if you fail, you can smash your own head on the wall and wail, “Ganon lang pala yun? Waaa. Ang dali dali lang pala!”

It’s easy for these games to make you dumb. Or at least feel dumb, in my case. If you don’t possess perseverance and determination, I guess you can curse the game with all your might. And not to mention, make your brain cells reach to zero.

But the fun part is that it makes you sane and alert most of the time. The suspense is always present, and plus, if you went through one game objective, it makes you feel good. Ang talino ko! That’s what you can say. After all, it’s the brain that makes us survive the game.

I’m still trying, but I can’t get through…

Dead once again.

Geez. Time-pressured games make my blood pressure reach its maximum level.